Last week a few high school coaches offered their opinions of some problems they’ve had with parents. Every single one made it clear that, although problems seem to be getting a little more plentiful, the large majority of parents were very good – many of them said 90-95 percent.

This week we have some more observations. This coach tried to head off problems before they started.

“In the past we have received phone calls from parents after big wins, complaining that their son did not get enough shots or play enough. As a coach, we expect criticism when things are not going well, but to receive complaints after a win takes all the enjoyment out of it. When I took over as head coach, my first year I held a parent meeting before the season and explained that I would not accept any phone calls from a parent during the season in regards to playing time, number of shots etc. Phone calls in regards to colleges and academics were more than welcomed. Since that meeting, we have had no parent issues. In fact our parents the last two years have been nothing but supportive and I could not ask for anything more.”

And this coach took that even a step further.

“I have experienced all the typical parent stuff over the past 9-10 years. The ‘I wanna be your friend until you don't play my son’ parent. The ‘with all that experience, I thought you were a better coach than this’ parent. The ‘let me donate to the program - either time or money - until you don't play my son’ parent. I could go on for some time. At Catholic schools I do feel that the parent situation is even worse due to the fact that their tuition payment makes some feel they have paid for privileges in athletics.

“So I adopted a philosophy quite a few years ago. I limit, and I mean limit, my interaction with parents. This interaction is usually just ‘Hi how are you’, ‘Tommy is great kid and doing a great job’, ‘here is the info on an upcoming event’. They say, ‘Great job, Coach’ – I respond, ‘Thanks and have a good night’. And that is it.

Academic situations, college recruitment or injuries - things really unrelated to game situations - are always discussed.

“It has worked for me thus far. When someone wants to talk and discuss something with me regarding the sport and their son and they are not pleased with my response regarding their son I simply recommend that they contact the athletic director or other school administrators and that is usually the end of it. It has actually gotten to the point where, at times, I do not know which parents are which. I do not teach at the school and practices are generally not attended by parents. So, game days are the only days I see them.

“Recently I made a comment to my staff after a senior night ceremony and game that I thought it was odd that not one parent came up to me and said thanks, or something similar. My staff laughed and responded, ‘Coach, what do you expect. You don't talk to them during the season, so they probably think that you would rather not speak to them at all.’

“Don't misunderstand me, I have great relationships with my players. They are always thankful for all that we do for them and take time to tell us. They always come back after graduation and keep in touch with the coaches and the program. I continue to have relationships with players from seven or eight years ago. On the positive side, I have had parents that have anonymously donated money to our program or have contacted the school administration and expressed gratitude for the job my staff and I have done.”

One veteran coach has had few problems.

“Most all of my team parents are great and give me total support, but that might be because I have been doing it for so long. I have had parents start a booster club and start fund raising on their own without me even being involved. On the negative side, I have had one parent tell me he would be more than glad to show me how to run a tournament the correct way after I had been coach over 30 years. And, of course, there are always a few parents that get too involved in the game and say things to the opposing players that shouldn’t have been said.”

And this athletics director describes how he handles things.

“Most of the parents are supportive once it is clear that the coach is in charge of the team. When a parent calls me about ‘the team’ I always tell them – ‘I will talk about anything except playing time or coaching style’. In most cases that eliminates a majority of the issues. Of course, some of them do not care about the team, it's all about their kid. When I do meet with a parent, most of the issues revolve around ‘unrealistic expectations for their child’. The days of an athlete coming to high school and playing at the freshmen level as freshmen, JV as a sophomore, making varsity as a junior and then starting varsity as a senior, are long gone. Every kid is an all-star before they come to high school and some parents believe it is often the coach's fault the kid is not playing at the highest level - even as a freshmen. Some sports are worse than others; soccer, baseball and softball rank the highest in problems on my end. In sum, most parents are fine to deal with, but I make certain I keep the conversations with all parents to a minimum.”

There were a few coaches who responded to our requests for contributions with specific compliments. All the coaches were promised anonymity but these two coaches insisted their names be used.

“The best parent I had,” Absegami’s Greg Goodwin said, “was the parent of the best player I ever coached in 26 years, Mike Booker (Tara's dad). He never asked me about stats or shots, it was always about the team. He was extremely supportive of all the players on the team and was more concerned with us winning than how many points or rebounds Tara had.”

“Luke Dillon played for me four years ago and his brother, Casey, for the last four,” said Jon Evans. “The two players NEVER missed or were late for a meeting, summer practice, bus departure, etc. Never once had a problem in the classroom or with attitude. Mother and father were incredibly supportive at every game, even while Casey was injured for two months this past year. Older brother Connor has been, without a doubt, the No. 1 Mainland basketball fan the last five years. Just an example of great parents – and a great family – from Mainland.”

This two-part series was not an effort to jump all over parents. Parents are great. None of us would be here without them. And all parents, even the ones who might create tensions and problems, believe they are looking out for their kids. Coaches need to take some responsibility, too. Possibly a pre-season meeting, as described here, could be helpful.

The purpose of this two-part discussion was to let coaches say things they might otherwise never get a chance to say. And to let parents read about the way it looks from the coach’s position. Coaches are teachers and were selected because of their experience and perceived abilities to direct a program. They want their program to be successful and will do what is necessary to achieve that. They will teach their team to play in a manner they believe gives the team the best chance for success. And they will use their players toward that same end. If a player can help the team, that player will play.

If anybody thinks there is something really wrong with a coach, their feelings should be passed on to a school administrator. But, under normal circumstances, it would seem the best thing a parent can do for his/her student-athlete is to teach the kid to play hard, take advantage of their opportunities and make the best of the situation.

When high school sports stops being fun, it stops being beneficial.